I was lying there so... defeated.
June 20, 2025. 1 AM. Thinking about my day.
Thinking about the excuse I usually tell myself: "I don't have time for xyz."
But realistically, my son has me up at 6 am every morning. After I've fixed him breakfast and negotiated whatever other demands he has, I could be so much more productive with the morning.
But instead I usually just drink coffee and browse Reddit.
My weight has ballooned, my clothes don't fit and I refuse to buy new ones as I don't feel I deserve them.
Thank God I can work from home.
For me, buying new, bigger clothes is like confirmation of my failure. So I don't, and I get upset when I have to.
Colleagues hadn't seen me in months. Zoom camera: always off.
If they saw me, they'd notice how far I've fallen.
The excuses kept growing:
- High school reunion
- Birthday parties
- Summer festivals
- Family weddings
- Trips to the office (usually required)
All canceled.
"I don't want anyone seeing me at my worst."
Does this sound familiar?